Answers for Family Members, Caregivers, and Professionals

Question: What is respect? When you say that you want our respect, what are you asking for?  

Answer: My friends helped my answer this question. Warren say s, “Respect means being accepted by others just the way you are.”  

Marty C says, “Respect is looking up to someone. We all have the same rights, so we all should look up to each other. It’s easy for me to respect a professional, but it’s hard to respect somebody with less expertise than I have. You are respecting me when you listen to me with compassion, are not afraid to admit your mistakes to me, and give me the time I need.”  

He adds, ”During therapy, you are not the center; I am. Be open to my values too. Be flexible rather than imposing arbitrary rules and standards on me.”  

I believe that true respect is blind. It does not depend on whether its object has a Ph.D. or has bipolar disorder, is a corporate owner or is unemployed. All human beings deserve an equal measure of respect.  

The group agrees with this. Since respect is based on human rights, it should be universal. We can’t list all the actions we see as signs of respect, but that’s OK. If you know deep in your heart that everybody deserves the same level of respect, it will be easy for you to treat us respectfully.  

Janna says, “You exist. Before I decide whether I love, hate, admire, agree, pity, or just pass you by in life, I must acknowledge that you exist. I may disagree with, or even be offended by, your ideas, but if I respect you, I’ll know that there was some cause within you for it. Not only are you entitled to be and think for yourself, you may also touch something in me. I pass you on the street; I pass you in life. As we say hello, an unheard voice shouts:  

“And thank you.”

Question: How can mental-health professionals convey to clients that they are trustworthy?  

Answer: Just be trustworthy! Be honest with your clients. Get to know your clients. Treat your clients like the adults they are. Be relaxed and funny, and never every give your clients the impression that you are laughing at them. And never violate their confidentiality.  

I don’t think that trust is an all-or-nothing thing. I believe that it builds over time, usually very slowly. It is based on understanding, which is based on open, honest communication. The more we communicate with each other, the more we can trust each other, and this applies to client/therapist relationships as well.

Telling a client, on the first visit, “You can trust me,” is likely to backfire. In fact, it may never be a good idea to say, “You can trust me.” Deliberately attempting to convey trustworthiness may reduce spontaneity, and consumers, on average, read body language well enough to detect low spontaneity. They may suspect you of dishonesty.  

So don’t try to convey trustworthiness. Be trustworthy, and the trust will come. As one consumer says, “You’ve got to work really hard to earn my trust.”

Here’s a poem I wrote in the middle of the night:

I Forgot To Take My Antimanic Last Night
Dr. Jean M. Bradt  

A moth, long dead, still clings to my drapes.
Silly moth! Don't you know that you're dead now?  
Its light brown wings, dry, crisp, break at my touch
And it falls silently onto my light brown kitchen table

Becoming invisible
A cipher
No danger at all.  

I forgot to take my antimanic last night
But it's OK; I'm back on it now.  

Please, don't be afraid.
There are no red demons tormenting my soul with inchoate remorse
Only a gentle river of sadness and confusion
Ebbing to the trickle of a single tear 
As the medicine slowly re-balances my just-upset nervous system.  

Please don't be afraid that you are or will become like me inside.
There are no mad-hatter thoughts racing each other through my brain
Clobbering each other over the head with odd but hilarious meanings
Or screaming for brutal revenge for imagined injuries.  

I'm wide awake at 4 am .
Although I have just taken my temporarily forgotten antimanic.
Silly me! Don't I know that I'm medicated now?
When will I fall silently to sleep?  

Becoming invisible
A cipher
No danger at all.

So, please, don't be afraid
That you will suddenly lose all control and kill someone.
There are no sadistic, insomniac Torquemadas, 
No grotesque Hitlers, inside me
Making me do what I don't want to do.

I'm in control
Well, as much in control as you are.
Over the long haul, I feel as much happiness as you feel
Just the same as you feel it
Just as often as you feel it
Which is not often enough, right?  

We are all in the same boat
Except (please let me tease you a little)
I'm wide awake at 4 am . because I forgot to take my antimanic last night.  

Why can't you sleep?

Question: What is it like to experience a manic episode?

Answer: The most important thing we want you to know is that we think and feel just the same as you do. Our minds are not weird or scary. Being manic is not about thinking and feeling differently; it’s about thinking and feeling for too long. When we are manic, we are unable to let go of our anger or worries as quickly as you can. When manic, we may be unable to drift off to sleep or to stay asleep all night. Our frightened — not frightening — thoughts repeat themselves over and over in our minds, and all we can do about it is take antimanics and wait.

It may come as a surprise to some that to be manic is to be frightened. We feel angry, but our anger, like our depressive hopelessness, is based on fear. Prick our loud, self-righteous defenses and — surprise! — you will find insecure children hiding beneath them. Prick our grandiose protestations and you will discover people who fear — no, are quite sure — that we are totally worthless.

None of us is able to really describe a manic episode. Most of the time, we don’t know we had one until it’s over. We can only say that, while manic, we are still intelligent, loving human beings.

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