Just For Fun

This is a true story, exact in every detail, about how I taught the card game, I Doubt It, to psychiatric patients at a local "psychosocial" club.

I Doubt It is a way to hone your ability to fool people, a skill I thought the inpatients might be able to develop. I decided to hustle them a little for the first few sets, making it easy for them to see when I was lying, so that they would not get discouraged and quit.

The guys who were willing to play cards with me were Sam and David. Sam is an attractive twentyish guy, always moving, quick to anger and quick to laugh. David is about my age (35), boyish, slow-moving, seldom speaks; I'd never seen him smile.

He and Sam sat down at a table, too high to be a good card table, but it would have to do. A third guy sat down at our table without a word. I got the feeling that he joined us only because he wanted to sit next to me. I asked his name, at which point an apparent friend of his came up between us, initiating an intense discussion to determine his name.

As I dealt the cards to the four of us, it was agreed that the man in question was to be called Marvey. I explained the rules of the game and had Sam lay a couple of aces face down on the table. David produced deuces and, with coaching, laid them face down.

Marvey was staring at his cards. I asked him to put at least one three on the table. He laid two threes down face up and would not turn them over. I put down a four. Sam caught on and laid down fives, face down, calling out as he should. David laid down fives but, with coaching, corrected with sixes. Marvey was still staring at his cards; he jumped when I asked for sevens.

"I don't have any sevens," he said. "Will you take twos?" Nothing could convince him to try to trick Lynne and Sam.

Sam said, "You lost, then," and pushed the pile of cards over to him. Marvey thanked him with his eyes.

"The object is to run out of cards!" I said. But Marvey's glee went unabated.

I did not have an eight; I laid down a seven and said "eight".

Sam immediately said, "I doubt it!"

So much for hustling. I decided to use my poker face from then on.

Sam and David got through nine and ten. Marvey was still staring at his cards but, with coaching, he produced two jacks, insisting on laying them down face up so that we would know that he was not lying. I threw down a queen.

Sam scrutinized my face and somehow knew that I was not to be doubted. "What comes after queen?" he asked.

"King," David said.

Sam lay down two cards, then glared at me, silently daring me to doubt him. I lost the dare.

As David lay down two aces (he needed coaching too) Marvey put a fresh, white cigarette on the table in front of me.

"Marvey, I don't smoke!"

"It's OK. Take it anyway."

"Well, thank you, I guess." I convinced him to play two deuces (face up). I put down two aces and called them threes.

"I doubt it!" Sam said, although I had been using my best faking techniques.

Marvey took his cigarette back. Sam laid down an alleged four and reminded David to put down fives. As he fiddled with his cards, which he was keeping on his lap, David mumbled something about not seeing any fives. He laid two cards face down and mumbled, "two fives," looking sheepish.

I was tempted to let the poor guy go; after all, he did not even know how to cheat. But I decided to play the game straight and gently said, "I doubt it, David."

A big grin broke out on David's face. He turned the two cards over -- fives! I had to take the whole pile, setting me back enough that she no longer had much chance of winning. 

Marvey -- well, you know what he was doing. The game went on. Sam doubted me again. In fact, he spotted almost every lie I told. But I could never catch him. As he laid down a card, his face would run through several expressions in rapid succession, confusing me.

Finally, Sam forced me to pick up another huge pile of cards, while he had only four cards left.

"I win," he said, laying down the cards a la gin rummy. "I have two pairs." And he walked off. As far as I was concerned, that ended the game.

The fact is, both of those guys beat me.