”The hall mates said I packed a big punch. So they called me Big Jake. I guess it stuck."

My smile sunk like the Titanic into the frigid Atlantic . After three years at the office, I was just about to get up my nerve to ask Betty out on a date; just that quick she was gone. Oh, she
never left. But ever since, she forgot that I worked there. Jake’s daily stories of the Mount Everest expedition, his meeting with Harrison Ford, his entrepreneur endeavors at the age of
16, his parachuting, pilot's license, and his ownership of a Harley-Davidson, BMW and a Corvette, left me and my dog stories, which consisted of picking up poop in the park, somewhat uninteresting.

Then there was yesterday's story of his turkey-hunting expedition. "In order to gain the confidence and attention of the turkeys," Jake said, "you have to do a series of six yelps followed by multiple clucks. This is their mating call." I was sure that he was going to jump onto his desk and do the yelps and clucks for the ladies, but he didn't need to. The ladies began clucking their mating dance into his office every day.

The turkey story firmed my resolve to expose Jake’s lies. Enough of taking a back seat to this guy. I leaned into his doorway, interrupting Betty’s cackles.

"Hey," I said. "Why don't we all head over and take a look at your alligator after work? And you can show us your cars and pictures of Everest."

"Nah," Jake said. "I can't tonight. I've got to go to a bungee jumping class right after work."

"Wow," Betty said. I was sure that I saw a quiver in her knees. "Maybe we can do it another time?"

"Sure."

My lips tightened. That night after work, I waited in my car in the dark for Jake to leave the office, late as usual. To change my identity, I slipped a cigarette into my mouth and spat tobacco out the window. Jake whisked out of the office and dashed for his car. I flicked my thumb on a match, which burnt my thumb. I dropped it into a fast food bag near my foot, which sparked a fire.

My suspect began his getaway. I didn't know whether to put the fire out or engage in pursuit. Vision occluded by my $3.99 sunglasses and the smoke, I cranked the gearshift, screeched my tires, and choked out a raspy cough. I made my pursuit, one foot clamped onto the accelerator and the other busy with a frantic stomp to snuff the fire that had spread to my pant leg. I dumped my remaining soda pop onto the fire. My head wove left and right through the smoke to see Jake's car fade from sight. One hand waved at the smoke, the other tossed the sunglasses out the window. I redirected the wheel.
But I got a beat on my suspect. He headed into Maple Woods Court . I was certain that this residential area didn't harbor any bungee jumping classes. I had my man. I followed him down a street to see him pull into a modest home whose driveway did not sport a Harley or a Corvette. Bingo. With the eyes of a crook, he raced out of his car toward his front door. He spotted my car. I jumped out and chased after him like a clueless Columbo, still spitting tobacco.

"Aha!" I said.

He slammed the door, and I heard several latches close. Like a vampire at dawn, he had made it back to his casket. Unfazed, I knocked on the door several times on the remote chance that I might be able to close the deal on his fraud. He poked his head through the curtain, unlatched the locks, and opened the door.

"Come on in, Dave," the criminal said in his polite tone. I knew I was right, but my joy was eradicated when I stepped into his house. The door was a fortress of locks, and the house was a trap for every paper, book or magazine in existence. They filled the tables and the floor next to his chairs. Books and sticky notes surrounded his computer. When I saw the helpless look on his face, I couldn't even gloat. Something was amiss. My self-proclaiming nemesis was none of the things that he said. But what up?

"I'm agoraphobic, Dave."

"Agor- So all your stories?"

"Nah."

"Why? Why such a show?"

He ducked his head and laughed. "You know, I guess it's an old coping mechanism. Anyway, I love to research and read on things."

"But you never step one foot out of your door?"

"No, I even have my books delivered to me. I really wish I could do some of these things, but it's too overwhelming."

"How do you get to work?"

"It takes every bit of energy to get to the desk at work, and then I feel okay. It's hard to get back home too."

"Don't they have something for that kind of ailment?"

"Yeah, but it's pretty overwhelming even thinking about getting to the doctor. I've tried certain drugs, and they help a little, but I feel safest at home." He looked down at my shoes.

"Is that a burn hole in your pants?"

I guess we both had some owning up to do. We talked for an hour and I shook his hand and
left. I stepped out of his house with a new appreciation of how easy it was for me to walk to the car.

The next day, I came to work with sober thoughts. I stood by the coffee maker until Jake arrived. I wondered what he'd do. I wondered what I'd do.

"Hello," Jake said. He whisked by me into his office and sat at his desk. The girls huddled into his office as if he had just blown his turkey mating call.

"How was the bungee jumping class?" Lousy Louise asked.

Jake lifted his eyes to me. The power was mine now. I cleared my throat and stepped forward into his office. But I didn't see the boastful fraud, only a fragile man behind his facade. I smiled.

"Big Jake was telling me about his bungee jumping class last night," I said. "Tell them about it, Jake."

He had gotten that familiar curl out of the corner of his mouth. "Well, let me tell you, it's quite a thrill."

Big Jake gave a vivid description of the bungee jumping that he knew so well but had no direct experience with. He continued his stories during the many weeks that followed. Though the ladies remained hooked on them, no one enjoyed the stories more than I did. He had such a passion; it made every event sound appealing. You know, maybe he did make the stories up, but in his own way he actually did those things. Listening to his stories became the best part of the day, and it gave me a chance to stand next to Betty. I still haven't asked her out...but I might.

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